I’ve been awake since 5am, not wanting to get out of bed, I was watching Jack Nicholson & Helen Hunt in ‘As good as it gets’, at 7am there was a loud knocking on the front door, which then became relentless, and louder, I looked out of the window to see a royal mail van-hazard lights flashing furiously in the dark!
Expecting deliveries from Amazon, I ran down before he woke the whole neighbourhood, sure enough it was an amazon box, I thanked him and off he went, it was a large box so I curiously opened it to find a sweet dispenser? No, I did not order one, but it’s that time of year and I immediately felt a wave of panic – I had opened some poor child’s present, I scrambled around looking for my Glasses, the parcel belonged to number 52.
I ran to the door to catch the postie, where outside on the street I found another neighbour in his jammies, scratching his tousled head, “did he knock on 75?” he mumbled
“ I don’t know, but this is for 52,” I replied, the postie was still knocking on doors, my neighbour managed to get him to come back, I then realised it was our young deaf postie, and this was going to be difficult to explain, after a series of what can only be described as pantomime actions on my part, I managed to explain the parcel was for 52 to which he flapped open the lid and said “it’s open” embarrassed I gave him the universal hand signal for stop/wait much as a policeman would do, or I used to do for our dog, more embarrassment, I ran back inside and grabbed my glasses to explain that I can’t read without them???
He was clearly worried that it was an open parcel, and I was trying to think where the heck the Sellotape was in my upside down house? Eventually I found some white electrical tape & scissors, together on the doorstep we taped up the parcel, he put his hand to his chin and said thank you, gave a smile and a wink and off he went.
As I returned inside I felt pleased that we had managed to communicate, and that I at least had a matching nightdress and dressing gown on, albeit without the belt, I resolved that I would learn British sign language, as I glanced down I then saw that my left boob was hanging out! Embarrassment factor off the scale and that’s as good as it gets!